There was something there, but I couldn’t quite place it. In fact, I hadn’t been able to put my finger on it for months. Something that tugs at you repeatedly and you can’t give it a name or a place. I tried to shake it and had shrugged it off several times; blaming it on tiredness, boredom or the pace of life. Then, earlier this week, like a full throttle freight train, it came screaming into view.
I have a holy discontent, a holy frustration for being a comfortable Christian. And the distain I have for it in my own life, spills over as it plays out in the lives of others.
I find myself content struggling through the same things, doing the same things, living my life day-in and day-out, drunk in my comfort, when it’s not even my life to live. Even though I died years ago I often live as if this life is my own, as if the price paid wasn’t truely priceless.
The reality is I have but meir seconds when stacked next to eternity. My time on earth is a vapor and there is much to be done for the sake of the Gospel. People who need to know Jesus, families to be restored, communities to be renewed, legacies to leave and my mission is passing me by. What I do with the vapor of a life I have been given is up to me, yet many times my stupor blinds me to the urgency at hand. The severity of what’s at stake, life, death, victory, defeat – every single day.
The sobering truth is that for all the “effort”, the studying, the papers, the knowledge, the statements of faith, the theology, the journey – the cause of my holy discontent is that the Gospel has not really gone deep enough in me. If the Gospel truly penetrated the depths of my soul – aspects of my life would look undeniably different. I would think differently, maybe act differently. Certain parts of life wouldn’t matter while others would. The overwhelming perspective in life wouldn’t be of my own affairs, but of His.
And out of His perspective, from a soul made anew by the Gospel, my motivation changes. The inebreiation diminishes. Clarity descends. Bring Him glory, speak of the good news and make my vapor count for the Kingdom.
How long have I been out? How long have I been oblivious to the urgency of the most important mission in the history of the world? How long has my attention been on my to-do’s, my schedule, my plans and my world?
The deep-dive of my soul must be done…and I think it has already begun.
Fellow Christians, how truly deep has the Gospel gone within you? How long will we slumber in the drunkenness of our own comfort, while this vapor called life drifts away against the backdrop of the greatest mission the world has ever known?